Saturday, December 25, 2004  1:25 am 

20 Jazz Funk Greats XMas End of the Year message

Ok, we at 20JazzFunkCakes are not going to have an exciting best of 2004 list with a countdown and everything…why? because we are rubbish and we are two and we don’t want to fight each other to decide which of the featured artists gets to be number one…and we are too lazy to devise one of those strange voting systems with weightings and what have you. And if we did a list each there would be too much redundancy… The solution lay in alcohol, as usual: after getting drunk (depicted) we decided to simply say silly things about records we have liked this year, with lots of love and the rest of it. Yes our friends, in 20JazzFunkGreats we not only care for you, we also care for each other, plus we love to do things while we listen…what do we do?

(besides being a pair of nerds)

Albums to do things to

Best album to invoke Satan and ask him to give people who dig 20 Jazz Funk Greats the power to ride a broom wherever and whenever they want (readers who leave comments get telekinesis or pyrokinesis as a bonus ): Liars-They Were Wrong So We Drowned

Best album to listen to while wondering why the fuck haven’t you learned german yet- Einsturzende Neubauten- Perpetuum Mobile

Best album to listen while putting chalk all over your face and a robe, then you go to a catholic church and pretend to be a statue there until you start crying and then people think it’s a miracle and then they realize the trick and want to beat you up: The Arcade Fire- Funeral

Best album to listen before dressing as a monster and running into the forests to scare pikies and outdoors porno crews and illegal fox hunting losers: Deerhoof- Milk Man

Best album to listen to while reminiscing about your life and realising that Sonic Youth have been with you longer than many of your friends and still they are the super dupa coolest- Sonic Youth- Sonic Nurse

Best album for travelling to the past of the future of Hip Hop- Death Comet Crew- This is Riphop

Best album to grab a chainsaw and destroy a room full of TVs with Simon Cowell and Big Brother losers in them in a cathartic postmodern exercise- Wolf Eyes- Burned Mind

Best album to listen while devising a masterplan to take over the criminal underground of your town- Madvillain- Madvillainy

Best album for fistfucking- Sluts of Trust- We all are Sluts of Trust

Best album to listen to while looking for Extraterrestrial Life with your telescope in a very cloudy night, suddenly you see through a window in a U.F.O., all the Martians are there dancing with eyeliner under their cyclops eyes like it was the 80s all over again- The Emperor Machine- Aimee Tallulah is Hypnotised

Best album to listen while stalking a stranger around town like that woman in Leviathan by Paul Auster- Tussle- Kling Klang

Best album to dance to in a club while you are in a coffeine high and feel simultaneously intelligent and energetic- Various- DFA Compilation Number 2 (together with Rvng Prsnts Mx 3 by Tim Sweeney)

Best album to play while driving around the forests of Providence looking for neolithic medallions with scary antropomorphic carvings in them- Various- Sonic Boom presents Spacelines

Best album for making you listen to that horrible world music sound Any

Kershaw used to play, and actually thinking, hey maybe that guy had

something : !!! - Louden Up Now

Best crazy Sheffield glam rock with home made synthesizers on album : Pink

Grease - This is for Real

Best album for being confused why you like the beautiful song with the Phil

Collins drumming and since when did Neu! use Jim Steinman to produce? - M83 - Before the Dawn Heals Us

Best album where you wish her brother didn’t sing : - The Knife - Deep Cuts

Best album for giving you a very sore neck and making you remember the power of the banal ‘baby yeh’ lyric : Death From Above 1979 - You’re A Woman, I’m A Machine

Best almost Eno album not by Eno this year : Ratatat - Ratatat

Best gay compilation : V/A - Theme from Radius

Best album for yelling incoherences while simultaneously stroking your chin (something extremely gratifying I must say)- Fly Pan Am- N’Ecutez Pas

Best album to listen while muttering ancient rhymes and sharpening the blade of your two-handed axe- Comets on Fire- Blue Cathedral

Best album for realising that it’s not (only) about some twisted dream of celebrity and drugs and magazine covers but (also) about having fun onstage and telling meaningful stuff to the audience and cracking northern jokes between songs- Futureheads-S/T

Best album for realising that sometimes, when thinking about the best of the year in December you forget about the stuff that came out quite early in the year- Califone- Heron King Blues

Songs

We haven’t done the things to do with songs cos we haven’t done that many things this year (besides saving the world from the Illuminati and building the first robot that can talk with a Welsh accent)…There might be some of 2003, sorry.

!!! - Dear can

Alan Braxe & Fred Falke - Rubicon

Alden Tyrell - Knockers

Animal Collective- Who Could Win a Rabbit

Betty Botox - Kraut

Black Strobe - Italian Fireflies

Blackwire - the face

Cursor minor - sport of kings

Datarock - Computer Camp Love

Death From Above 1979- Romantic Rights

Delia Gonzalez & Gavin Russom- Rise (DFA Remix)

Dj hell - Keep On Waiting

Electroputas- Never Been More in Love

Excepter- Forget me

Fly Pan Am- Pas a Pas Step Until

Franz Ferdinand- Michael (Simon Bookish Edit)

Futureheads- Hounds of Love

Glass Candy - life after sundown

Jason Forrest- 10 Amazing Years

Johnny Boy- You’re The Generation who Bought More Shoes and You Get What You Deserve

LCD Soundsystem - Yeah(stupid version)

Les Georges Leningrad- Supa Doopa

Liars- Brocken Witch

Liars- There’s Always Room in the Broom

M.I.A.-Galang

m83 - a guitar and a heart

Measles Mumps Rubella- Fountain of Youth

Mocky - seeing things

Morningwood - Jetsettermusicletter

Munk - kick out the chairs

Mylo- Drop the Pressure

Ninja High School- It’s Gonna be Us

Oneida- Caesar’s Column

Pet - Superpet

Pink Grease - The pink G.R…ease

Pink Grease- Wind Up Bird

Pixeltan- Get Up Say What

Polysics- My Sharona

Rammellzee- Pogo

Ratatat- 17 Years

Rex the dog - Prototype

Riton - Candy

Serge Santiago - Bad Passion

Seymour Bits - Free

Shame 69- No Business

Soulwax- N.Y. Excuse

Spektrum - Freefall

Stazi - Love is Lethal

Test-icicles - DancingonPegs

The Arcade Fire- The Power is On

The Fall- Theme from Sparta F.C.

The Go! Team- The Power’s on

The knife - heartbeats

The Mae Shi- Vampire Beats

The Magnificents - last gasp of revenge

The Vanishing - Lovesick

Tv on the radio - new health rock

Tv on the radio - staring at the sun

Weird War- AK 47

Whitey- Leave Them All Behind

Wolf Eyes- Village Oblivia

Reissue of the year

Can ones, although we want them on vinyl too.

Labels of the Year

Those by whom we have posted songs: Troubleman, Gomma, DFA, Sympathy for the Record Industry, K Records, Output, Sub Pop, Tigerbeat6, 5RC, Fat Cat, Ze, Warp, Kitty Yo, Rough Trade, Load, Birdman blahblah. 20JFG would like to raise their cup and toast for these people, cheers!

Gigs

Not in order although Liars and !!! ruled a lot.

!!! (Primavera Sound, Barcelona)

(Smog) (Komedia)

Buck 65 (Komedia, Brighton)

Clinic (Komedia, Brighton)

Damo Suzuki & Phil & Iain & Pete & some other people (Freebutt, Brighton)

Deerhoof (and Help she can’t swim, Brighton)

Fly Pan Am (Freebutt, Brighton)

LCD Soundsystem (Concorde 2 Brighton)

Liars (Primavera Sound, Barcelona)

Lightning Bolt (Enigma, Brighton)

MC5 (& The Icarus Line, Concorde, Brighton)

Miss Pain (Freebutt, Brighton)

Mocky (Po Na Na, Brighton)

Pink Grease (Sonic Mook London)

The Sadies (& She Said, Concorde, Brighton)

Selfish Cunt (Po Na Na Brighton)

Yeah Yeah Yeahs (& the Locust- Corn Exchange, Brighton)

Yo la Tengo (Concorde, Brighton)

Worst Gig

The US Presidential Elections

Favourite music blogs

Spoilt Victorian Child, Dolby Surrender, Gutterbreakz, Flux, Bumrocks, An Idiot’s Guide to Dreaming, Throwaway Style.

Comics

Jimmy Corrigan the Smartest Kid On Earth. Eight Ball Death Ray, Blankets, Tony Millionaire’s Sock Monkey.

Lalalast thing

And as a final xmas present before the end of the year we wanted to include a likkle song by the best dayglo dada Santa ever, that crazy genius Mu who we love very much (we also like her hubbie Maurice Fulton although not his ‘I Fuck Your Girlfriend’ t-shirt cos it’s not true). The obvious option from ‘Out of Breach (Manchester’s Revenge)’, her forthcoming (’sophomore’) album in Output Recordings would have been ‘throwing up’, as that’s what many people will do in their New Year’s Celebrations, but instead we have decided to go for the ace tigerbastard and its nasty bass and jerky tribal heads percussions, enjoy the madness, have fun, be good, we luv u.

Mu- Tiger Bastard

labels >> xxjfg