Wednesday, June 22, 2005  3:32 pm 

Turing Test

Happy Birthday Alan Turing

Alan Turing is England’s greatest hero ever. Alan Turing was the founder of what you are viewing this blog on, He described the ideas that have become modern computeing.

Give it up for Alan Turing!

Today is his birthday, and as a respect to Alan Turing we are going to propose a Turing test for all our big gay tracks today.

As part of his argument Turing put forward the idea of an ‘imitation game’, in which a human being and a computer would be interrogated under conditions where the interrogator would not know which was which, the communication being entirely by textual messages. Turing argued that if the interrogator could not distinguish them by questioning, then it would be unreasonable not to call the computer intelligent.

So, yeh lets have a go, we will listen to a track, pose questions and see if we can find whats intelligent.

Lets give a big hand for our first contestant Mr. Dennis Young!

Dennis Young – Signal Up Ahead (Stromba remix)

Xxjfg : Now Dennis you are part of Liquid Liquid is that right?

DY: just some funky bongos and guitar feedback

Xxjfg: And you still are the basis for Liquid Liquid blow our mind, you are just awesome and even Optimo named them selves after one of your songs.

DY: added some bass and some weird singing, something about signals sung by Suicide…

Xxjfg: What kinda signals Mr. Dennis Young, is this a comment on the traffic and congestion we have in the big cities we live in or are you studying for your driving test?

DY: future memory, signal up ahead cautious approach…

Xxjfg: Future Memory, wow that’s a bit deep, use the Force Mr. Dennis Young! It’s an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together. Do you have a high amount of microorganisms in your body? How much did that influence your music?

DY: signal up ahead cautious approach, goodbye, goodbye…

Xxjfg: Wait Mr. Dennis Young! There is so much we want to ask you…

Darth Vader Voice : Young Luke fuck off(transcriber is unsure, but this could be what he said)

Xxjfg: Shit.

DY: more bongos, fade till end.

Xxjfg : Dancing.

And we welcome our next contestant the mama’s that go under the name The Ritchie Family.

Ritchie Family – Bad Reputation

Xxjfg: So are you like ripping off all that cool new disco not disco by getting funny synth noises in on your records and trying to outgrow your previous reputation for maximum cliche disco trash?

RF: Disco, lots of percussion and some funny synths, maybe some whip noises too…

Xxjfg: What do you mean we got a bad reputation?

RF: Some kind synth that sounds like gay Jean Michel Jarre doing BBC special effects in 1976, some women crying cos we got a bad reputation all around this town, cos we been doing her wrong.

Xxjfg: ERm, I don’t know who told you shit babe, but me and Juan are pure as the asses milk Cleopatra bathed in, and what’s with all this gay disco music? Is this a Sylvester fan club meeting? Are you the Weather Girls produced by Patrick Cowley and !!!?

RF: Some bongos, really awfull Barry Manilow/Barry White sounding disco orchestra, you did me wrong, I tried to please you, but you didn’t care…

Xxjfg: Hey baby, talk to the nails, cause the hand ain’t listenin’ you think we are bad? That’s just them jive ass mfo’s telling you god dam lies, come home with me and I’ll show you something different.

RF: More ranting like angry housewives..

Xxfg: Yo just chill yourself, I checked the album cover, and I ain’t takin you home unless you the unfeatured fit one or it’s a very unflattering photo. Respect for the disco, we are out of here….

RF: Looking nonchalantly in the air surrounding by beefcakes in pvc.

Xxjfg: ahh… Ladies, can’t live with em, can’t live with em…

Next up we welcome Phil Fudner!!!

Now normaly Phil would not get a look in at this page with his shit as you get house music, but since it’s big gay Alan Turing Day we can get away with any old bad taste rubbish (see last song).

Phil Fuldner – Too Late

Xxjfg: So Phil, you are really quite a crap house dj is that true?

PF: Does some sort of Tiga impression

Xxjfg: Have you been listening to a lot of dated electroclash and think it’s the emperors new clothes then?

PF: dated electroclash

Xxjfg: But you decided to try and sing on the top of your tracks to give it an edge?

PF: 80’s vocal with echo!

Xxjg: Hah! Now you sound like some kinda cheap version of high energy italo! Oh hold on, I quite like it, I’m confused, I was just gonna slag you off loads but this is so bad taste its actually quite good, how the fuck did you do that? You even got nice computer game noises in the background! Are you gonna make any more like this?

PF: Computer game noises and 80’s vocals tries despretly to cash in, and fails.

Xxjfg: This is going to be one of those tracks like Ralph Rosario – In The Night or My Mind – Hypnotic Tango that people go one about being great and the reast of their stuff is poo on toast in the future in it? I don’t really want to talk to you any more Phil your breath smells.

PF: It’s too late 4 you love…

Xxjfg: Yeh, you got me. (Dancing)

PF: Baby ooo and stuff…

Xxjfg : Bugger. (Still dancing, holding nose)

Our last contestant for intelligent life is Mr. Martin Solveig.

Martin Solveig – Heartbeat

Xxjfg: Hey, Martin Solveig your getting a lot of radio play from that track Everybody, but we don’t really like it. Heratbeat was so much better, why didn’t that make it?

MS: Liquid Liquid type Africanism stuff with pac man eating pellets

Xxjfg: I mean when the acid line kicks in on this track there is no way I can keep my hands by my side, totally an up in the air anthem that for no apparent reason didn’t make it, this shit could have been at No.1 in England dude!

MS: Girl who sounds European is saying she can feel my heartbeat.. (something familiar in the background like french kiss)…

Xxjfg: ok ok, no need to get so hands on and frisky, we are getting excited…

MS: Sexy girl tells us she is a cat, and it’s all going to be very animal, Lil’ Louis French Kiss has started…

Xxjfg: So what you doing after?

MS: dancing

Xxjfg: There is a party at my friends?

MS: Still dancing with French kiss being very sexy

Xxjfg: You can come with us if you like?

MS: Crowd are now cheering

Xxjfg: SHRAG will be there and Phil Collins 3 , Miss Pain . 80s matchbox, Scotch egg, Help she cant swim and stuff (looking desparate trying to impress) and erm..(tries to find copy of brighton source and namedrop some more)…

MS: Walks off with Dennis from Liquid Liquid.

Xxjfg: Bloody starfuckers.

Xxjfg: Anybody want a fight?

Boo. Music has stopped now. Thats the end. Have to Tidy up.

So Yey, thats our Turing Test.

Sorry about the music today, normal service will resume tommorow.

In Conclusion, what would you say is XXJFG human or computer?

Alan Turing was a homosexual. Despite cracking the enigma code and saving the entire of Europe from Nazi rule (Alan won the Second World War) homosexuality was a crime in England at the time so Alan was offered a choice of a prison sentence in a mental home or a course of hormone treatment to cure his ‘disease’. After suffering severe bouts of depression and abnormal breast growth Alan wrote a poetic letter to his lover and ate an apple before bed time. Alan had previously introduced a lethal dose of poison to the apple and went to sleep, never to awake again.

PS- Weekend agenda

On Saturday James from those brilliant mongoloid garage-rockers the Sticks holds Go faster, one of his nights at the Penthouse, 8-11, free entry, cheap drinks, we’ll be around plotting, drinking (it’s cheap!) and etc.

ANd then it’s Detournement, Steve Chaos is in NYC hanging out with the ‘cool crowd’ so Bobby Love joins Jim Sonic and plays music for the ‘cool crowd’. Recommended!

labels >> xxjfg

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