Thursday, August 25, 2005  8:38 am 

Library Music

The Hip Place to be!

Dodge the geeks with heavy metal t-shirts, long oily hair and poly-faced dices jingling from big silver chains and enter the horror section. I was always a Call of Cthulhu/ Cyberpunk 2020 bitch. Why go out, the world is a sick place and I want none of it, as George, Buddy’s old flatmate once said. Imagination is the ultimate high. I am ranting. Grab one of those worn out volumes full of undescribable abominations, convoluted adjectives and chants in made-up languages. You guessed right…

It’s the mighty..

Drunk Horse- Howard Phillips

We want some of that Lovecraft here, no Love kraft, nah nah, we don’t wanna superfurry animals, we wanna super hairy motherfuckers, we wanna power riffage and memories of the druids. We want tight ass in skinny pants drumming and stoner witchery magical invocations. We want the guitar solo of the year (approximately min 1:35 to 2:27, former Fucking Champ Josh Smith involved in this, you can fucking tell), we want drunk horse cos they rock like you wish your mom did.

Off their last album, in Tongues, out in Tee Pee Records (nice artwork too, eh?).

Dr. Rock sez it rocks. I agree.

Now run to the japanese modern fiction section, don’t be scared by the simpering indie kids scratching their little beards, they are more afraid of you than you are of them, it’s like what your ma always said about wasps and spiders. Anyway, there’s this book I wanted to tell ye about, it’s by Haruki Murakami …

Pink Grease- Wind Up Bird

…and it’s about this man who used to havr a birdie singing outside his house but no mo and loses his cat and his wife and meets this teenager and goes in a well and remembers a story about this japanese soldier who got his boss skinned alive and all by a russian and then was put in a well and saw some weird shit and…hey, I don’t want to spoil it for you, if you haven’t read it yet you better get on with the program cos it rules.

I didn’t think as much as I’d have liked to of Pink Grease’s album, ‘This is for Real’ (Stu likes it lots), I was disappointed by the big rock sound, I wanted them to go all scuzzy synth crazy go go like they did in Manhattan’s on Fire and All Over You, but still it kicks the shit out of all those indie schmindy bands you’ll see on the cover of you know where, plus it’s got a song about the Wind Up Bird! Yeah, it goes on about the cat and the well and the cancer girl and other stuff Yay! and the Greasettes wail like cats or maybe that’s a siren, and it goes all dark garagey instead of glammy, I told Ana Matronic about this in the weekly reading club and she was like ‘no way! I hadn’t noticed! And let me tell you something Juan, I really like those Pink Grease’.

Meaow too.

And to finish for today, let us go to the magic section, where you will find not a book but a wizard, yeah, this man.

He’s the kind of guy who walks around in the smalls hours wearing that ungodly outfit while pushing a trolley, of course scaring the shit off uncle Silas and aunty Miriam. ‘Bet they haven’t seen anything like this since the Blitz…’. an invisibles reminiscence-reference maybe?

He also recorded me a tape with songs picked using the arcane method of throwing tarot cards all over the record collection. I don’t know if his record collection rules or magic worked its ways (or both), in any case the tape was ace. Yep, this character Lord Nuneaton Savage truly and really is an enlightened spirit in tune with the esoteric currents of the mythical underground.

Right where you see him he’s studying the teaching of Julian Cope’s headetheric college, getting ready to go out into the forests with his band of bad ass motherfuckers (watch out Hell’s Angels) to…

Burning Idiot Noise- Kill the Thing

The monsteristic krautonic creeping beat is laid up by Andy, also in Raised by Wolves and Puffin Boy, and it’s the steps of The Thing, a bunny headed leather skinned creature, Alice in Wonderland meets Hellraiser, it’s just come out of the forests a heartbeat after the Nuneaton slid into them, are they one and the same being? are we facing some sort of shapeshifter? The games workshop team are looking interested, the indie boys have ran away.

Has he got what it takes to put the muzzle of the flamethrower inside his mouth and set himself in fire? I know he does.

I’ve seen it.

Kill the Thing is in Burning Idiot Noise’s E is the Closest Chord to Ohm, a mighty collection of spaced out rocking out freaking in out toons out and in in Superbo.

Time to go home now, this sure was a trip eh? look out into the streets, look at those beeple, forgot it’s a saturday night, ahrgh, do you like what you see? remember, NO TV FOR ABLE MINDS, IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE LIKE THEM, READ (all those links I put are for something, eh)

This post was written under the effects of experimental drug CX717, which reverses the effects of sleep deprivation. Look forward to a future of 15 posts a week. Just check out this short interview that Slashdot conducted with Gary Buzzeye, an individual who has started the full treatment…

‘It’s absolutely fantastic.’ Buzzeye says as he scrapes away the skin around his eyes with a rusty nail-puller. ‘I’ve never felt better, and my productivity is way up.’ When asked if there were any side-effects, Buzzeye replied ‘None whatsoever. Since I killed my wife and sold my children to Satan, who happens to live two doors down, things have been great. Now if I could only get the snakes to stop eating my feet, I’d be one hundred percent. Oh, could you get the door, I think it’s Napoleon. He’s a real bitch, and he likes to steal my aluminum brainguard.’

We’ll be there soon. Don’t feel fear, we’re your friends. We’ll be with you…forever…all the time…

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