Wednesday, August 31, 2005  6:44 am 

Tarot is lies.

We know you all lie sleeplessly in bed at night wondering what does the future hold for xxjfg?

No tea leaf reading, crossing palms with silver or crystal balls can tell us only through the Tarot. We could just be dice men, yes yes yes men or puppets of the fat controller designed to fulfil a pre destined (Luke it is your density!) path through this life.

Either way we like games and these cards have skulls and stuff on (rawk!) so lets play a little and see what the hand of fate has instore for us this week, hopefully reductions on reissued vinyl and choose your own adventure books on the life of Carl Jung.

Frieda Harris has a nicely decorated set of cards for us to use as we descend into the realms of magic wooooo (cue spooky music)

Ron “Did I really write that Dr Who Theme?” Grainer - Tales Of The Unexpected

First we shuffle the deck and concentrate on our secret cosmic question! Stop watching the dancing girls!

These three cards are to represent the motives behind our question

The Lovers

Lust

and The Fool! Cool!

Are we asking whether Fool for Your Loving by Whitesnake is going to get a crazy frog remix?

Was David Coverdale just a bad wig wearing Robert Plant clone?

Can anyone sample the post middle 8 instrumental rise on In The Still Of The Night and turn it into some Jackson and His Computer Band/Mylo-like dance floor cut up monster?

These important cosmic thoughts may pass into the mind of xxjfg on a daily basis but I thing we are reading the cards a little too literal here.

The Lovers card is not just about love and sexuality; it has several meanings which are all related to the duality expressed in the image of the card.

Lust has a nice lady riding on a many headed beast and as for The Fool - that’s the 22nd (or 0) card which is like a circle or God or something (scratches head).

I like The Fool’s helmet.

Were gonna have to call upon the dark powers to help us interpret our Tarot.

We did try to get Alistair Crowley, but he is too busy talking on a Ouija board to Nick about important things like Grime, so who better than a load of Germans on acid. Why would you want to listen to loads of Germans on acid? I don’t mean you have to be on acid, and it’s not documented that Rolf-Ulrich Kaiser gave out free tabs of brain distorting trips as part of his artists deals with Ohr or anything but Timothy Leary was turned on, tuned in and on bored for the first Kosmische Musik release which is bound to start all sorts of evil rumors.

Walter Wegmuller - Der Hohepriester

Walter Wegmuller’s Tarot album features a whole host of freaks including Manuel “E2-E4″ Gottsching, Hartmut Enke, Jerry Berkers, Jurgen Dollase, Walter Westrupp, Klaus Schulze, Harald Großkopf, and (super)naturally Swiss Walter Wegmuller. From growling Wolf Eyes noise to epic Eno melodies Tarot is a gobsmaking experience once you get passed the hideous hippie elements that manifest themselves around December 1972 in Stommeln.

Der Hohepriester whispers sweetly in our ear telling our fortune with the lust of Serge Gainsbourg and innocence of Jane Birkin all backed up by instrumentation that makes a Fool of our hearts which are instantly in Love to this wondrous piece.

Thank you Walter and Friends, you are indeed masters of our hearts, and today’s Tarot even if you are a bunch of beardy hippies. Walter’s Tarot album in its original form came with a wonderfull set of Tarot cards.

The next thing the cards are gonna tell us about things that will happen in the near or most likely future.

What do you recon Walt? No! Please! Come back! I didn’t really mean it about the beards and stuff, I’m sure it was the height of fashion and a means of expressing your individuality in 1972, now we have Fight Cats, Tatty Devine and Silas to do that, really we love you!

Yeh man, peace and stuff! Bloody unreliable stoner Hippies.

Now whos gonna read the next Cards about our near future?

We got The Devil
That’s more like it!

The Chariot

and erm Art…oh I’m confused.

Luckly here comes We Are Wolves again, I wonder if they can help with there new album Non-Stop Je Te Plie En Deux on Fat Possum Records - Hi guys! Last time you were mentioned here with your great song We Are All Winners, which we still play - can you help us read our mystic shit Tarot - can you, can you, can you??

We Are Wolves - Non Stop

Oh cool! Sounds like Kenny Logins Footloose with dinky retro computer game noises on, is this some sort of message like in the film where Kevin Bacon’s girlfriend’s dad (From Third Rock From the Sun) thinks dancing is the Devils work? Cos we like dancing so maybe we are the devil or is it some crazy Cozy Powell and we should all dance with you know who, wow all this symbolism just from some cards - who would have thought it! Maybe we just got a bit fucked from smelling Walter and da boys ‘incense’ on there beards and antenna on the universe.

Non Stop is this amazing Chariot race between X-Wife and Whitey where the evil Emperor gives the thumbs down at the end and they let all the wolves in to eat the gladiators ha!

That round of cards was almost spot on with the near future! Still confused about the Art, but that’s all to do with personal perception or something I’m sure and the nice lady with two heads on the Art is card feeding a lion and a bird. I think that means be nice to animals. If We Are Wolves come to England, everyone be nice to them ok?

I think were getting the hang of this now.

The next category (three cards) represent what will happen in the distant or less likely future.

Easy,

we got The Moon

Adjustment(?)

and that last ones come out backward, that’s just the back of the card - xxjfg will be adjusting the moon so its backwards! Yes! Like The Dark Side of the… hold on too literal again, and no set of card can tell me we are going to post that overplayed dad pleaser unless V/Vm are planning a cover version.

Flat Of Angles - Circular Motion

Ahhh its all so clear now - Circlular Motion is like the moons orbit and the repetitive marching beat of this unadjusted feedback mini-symphony on a four track by Flat Of Angles!

Circular Motion is what might have happened if Sonic Youth or The Jesus and Mary Chain had tried to write Isi at there first rehearsal.

Flat Of Angles is presently just one young talented man with a concept, a drum machine and new album ‘i am really lost in the desert/you are just laz’ which you can hear more of on the myspace page. This is part of the future we are defiantly looking forward to more. All you current wave of stars better watch your Backs! Adjustment is coming! The distant future is bright and a little on the noisy side and will probably bite if you get too close. The Tarot has told us and we must obey!

More cards please!

The bottom right hand category represents forces beyond the quitrent’s control apparently. That’s like fucking everything at the moment, its all out of control.

Prince Of Disks

Death

and The Hermit.

Obviously all big name DJs will all suffer an excruciatingly painful and elongated terrible Death and Hermit music nerds will take over and rule the planet yay!

All praise our Tarot! It is filled with truth, honesty and power!

Tantra - A Place Called Tarot (1982 Extended Mix)

Get down with the cosmic concept disco shit that is Tantra.

Similar to Rinder and Lewis on there high concept Seven Deadly Sins tribute to all the bad stuff , Tantra stretch there mesmerizing Crosby Stills & Nash meets Boney M vocals over an entire wondrous disco dimension devoted to Tarot.

Recently sampled to make Ray Mang - Tells Bells and remixed by The Idjut Boys on Tirk in xxjfg world the original is still the best, and the Tarot has told us so - unless we are reading this all wrong and its some holiday resort in the Costa Del Boy Tantra’s Gran once sent em a postcard from. A place called Skegness - now thats a different concept album.

Next time we do this remind me to find a witch with a broom and stuff to help, i’m leaving it to The Profesionals.

labels >> xxjfg