Friday, March 31, 2006  1:24 pm 

Spread your legs!

In the spire of a gothic church in a dimension beyond the worm hole a young Nick Cave contorts, knots of black oily muscles react to the synaptic firework expanding and retracting beyond what’s natural, blood shot eyes shoot satanic if only not, agnostic death-rays. ZAP ZAP ZAP no interventionist god, or devil in this weird land, you’re blinded by the light pulses heartbeating like a reflected SOS code only it’s the opposite of SOS which, heh, it’s also SOS, the scarlet rays are visible from here, like Hell’s firehouse awaiting when you’re done with crossing river styx, this impossible cloud of primitivist punk rock, if only that skinny ass cheapskate Charon dude hurried up.

Are we happy with a passive, laissez faire Lucifer?

But you ain’t moving, it’s those black shapes that resemble cut-ups stolen from the activity room of the children asylum where Squarepusher shot his video, they are approaching, yeah, Regan was bullying the fuck of everyone in there, yeah, she drew these, the plastic kites Lost Boys threw against Max had come alive, they land and spin and grab you like the Wicked Witch of the East’s flying monkeys, a hit in the side of your head is the wet slap from a hungry manta ray, they slide serrated hand-scrawled cruel wings between your ribs, draw blood.

The swarm of bats the Birthday Party released years ago while I was playing inocently (or did I know something, a funny shine in my eyes?) in the kindergarten are still flying dark and strong, as ThreeOneGee’s forthcoming tribute compilation (their second one after the rather mindblowing ‘Dynamite With a Laserbeam’Queen one), called ‘Release the Bats’, demonstrates.

Yeah, this is one of the good ‘uns (and available on double vinyl too yay!!), we have posted half of the bands in it…the Plot to Blow Up the Eiffel Tower, Some Girls, Chinese Stars, Ex-Models, Ssion or Numbers to name a few, most of the stuff, especially the dancier in a ‘jerk your left leg jerk your right arm twitch the nose and wiggle those ears haphazardly’ way fucking rooles, like, say, the songs we are posting today. I am not so massively keen on the boy-rock-out noisefests, but that’s my taste buddy.

Anyway, just check out the handful of minutes we’re throwing against the floor, they are like a ninja confusion bomb, blow yourself away with die good shit fo we dissapear.

Les Georges Leningrad- Riddle House

Melt Banana- Faint Heart

You know we love Los Jorges Leningrados y las Bananas Meltadas siempre mucho, we are obsessed with them and we will play them to our babies while we help them colour that gangsta rap fancy book in a super-psychedelic LaChapelle fashion (tip: turquoise unicorn tattoos and light blue dayglo UZIs). Or maybe we won’t, guess that sort of ‘harmful stuff’ will be banned in a couple of years, as the encroachment of individual liberties continues.

So enjoy the hysteric tokyogabber speedbike yelling and the glorious prehistoric crashing and trashing while you can, Nick would be proud, well, I’ll ask him next time I see him hanging out in front of Borderline Records.

As a bonus, we are posting the fantastically titled and gloriously abnormally rolling and scratching towards you to smash your skull with a big stick criss crossed with rusty nails you fucking reactionary jock if you happen to be one classic feelsick monster tune by Die Monitr Batss I immediatly thought about when I read the title of the 31G comp.

Sheesh that was a convoluted sentence.

Die Monitr Batss- Spread Your Legs Release the Bats

You know we love the bats, even though one got in my room when I was small and freaked me out a lot and I locked myself in the toilet and yelled was so scared. They eat those real blood-sucker mosquitoes, you know? Leave bats alone and focus your rage on mosquitoes!! But they’re only little!?

We are so educational I feel sick now, I’m going to bed, gross.

labels >> xxjfg