Oh god, the return from London last weekend was hellish, we had been warned about tribes of cannibals armed with crossbows roaming the roads in their customised dragsters, Stuart laughed confidently and raised slightly his Slayer t-shirt to show our concerned interlocutor a gold-plated colt python hanging from his waist. loaded with silver aconite flavoured bullets for any vampire werewolves who might wanna mess with us.

BRAP! BRAP!

jump two days into the future (a day into the past, when I was allowed to leave the hospital with half of my body covered in blood encrusted bandages).

We never saw ‘em coming.

Todd- Hog Blood River

The shadow of a screamo Death Valley 69 jeep driven by Leatherface and Jennifer Heremma’s commited sister looming over our convoy from the top of a sharp ridge filled our hearts with dread, evil scuzzy bastard noise blasting from the speakers, severed heads staring blankly from the rusty spikes where they had finally come to rest, their souls eternally devoured by twelve dozens of devils in hell, no officer, I don’t remember the license plate, but I can still smell the trail of dead.

Inluded in Todd’s murderous Purity Pledge. Their new album, ‘Comes to your House’ is being released in a couple of weeks.

We thought playing frisbee with roadkill was hardcore until we saw these guys eating it.

Pissed Jeans- Boring Girls

Swamp dwelling beings with green tubercular skins and blood shot, or maybe better, blood-smashed, lusty eyes, the arrival of our exhausted, ambushed depleted party a welcome break from their daily chase of skinny fashion conscious driads who roam the edges of the pond because they like to flirt with danger and sometimes get eaten by danger, like flipper.

They didn’t get me but when I think of the memories I have to live with now, I cry and wish they had.

Included in Pissed Jean’s awfully glorious ‘Shallow’, released by Parts Unknown Records, apparently Sub Pop has signed them, great, thanks for making the world a better place Sub Pop.

All of this is true, seriously people, avoid Hastings.