Wednesday, August 23, 2006  1:09 pm 

Won’t someone please think of the Children

Yep, poor them, subject to all those pernicious influences out there, dodgy Wicker Man remakes (someone bring us the head of Nicholas Cage), Star Wars DVDs where Greedo shoots first, shoulderbags with Jim Morrison’s face in them, bourgeoise new era caps, Ableton, Rockstar game characters way realer than MTV rock stars, those evil multinational entertainment corporation and their zombi gakhead A&R kook (throw a stone at them from us) digging legions, dodgy hair straighteners, the butter cat eternal energy commutator, porkpie wearing role muppets, scarification, Pacman (64% violent), pointy shoes, txtmssg spk (Geoffrey Chaucer is laughing in his tomb), a forthcoming generation of creepy chinese robots (scarier than clowns!) and of course the INTERNET, where behind the virtual presence of 90% of your online friends lurks a policeman, the INTERNET, where shady pooterzines like yours truly rejoice in the dark pleasures of noise and anti-social behaviour, yeah, the other day in the train we let our feet rests over the seats COS WE’RE SO PUNK.

No, we won’t shoo the damn kids away from our lawn, we want em there making a motherfucking RACKET, it’s official, the Kids are alright.

Take for example Kid Cough, Kid Child, Kid Xerox and Kid Mika they beat the Aphex Twin out of moping Kid A, check them out because they be bad ass.

Kid Cough!

-I’m Kid Cough and I will lead the animal kingdom revolution, I will unseat emperors, behead queens, smack princes and trample princesses, Neubauten barrage from the 7th hell, panda banshee scream force and freak noise jazz vomit, soak riot gear clad troopers in it and watch them burn, I’m the real sulphuric acid tattoo SCARE.

Coughs- Quagmire

Coughs- Dark Powers (from the Load website)

After killing us committing suicide and killing us again in hell (two deaths make one life in 20JFG reality) with Fright Makes Right, the mighty Coughs return with another barbed wire ball of industrial noise fury to make the baddest kittens in the block curl delighted, their new album is called Secret Passage, is released by Mordor-is-for-pussies label Load and listening to it makes us feel like that Granny in the Come to Daddy Video. Gruesome.

-I am kid Child, my mom sez that I was born under a fiery storm of menacing synth clouds, on my 6th birthday a shrieking black cat scratched my throat and agit-punk thumping electrothunders moved inside my ribcage, I got a job in the morgue and saved some dosh to buy these flash Montreal 06 Sneakers, they come with no wave velcros and megatron strong suction soles so I can walk over your face and turn it into a happy skull without tripping even once.

Child Pornography-The Fish

Child Pornography (also at myspace) have thrown up one of the dance (we be fucked up) sides of the year in their emerald green 12 split with Quem Quaeritis, just released by sweet not not fun, we will bring you some of that soon, in the meanwhile just fall in love with their abrassive scorched lunatic future no wave, they play crooked with spiky lines and we worship them for it, join the Ghetto Blastin poodle pound cos they have the most fun. This particular song is from their party record ‘The Beatles’ released by Deathbombmarc coupla years ago.

-I am Kid Xerox and I always spin in the darkest corner of the basement where broken glasses pile up like german castles with little imaginary pixies shooting their flaming arrows from the walls, or maybe I’m drunk, all the others stay at arm’s length from me, they stare a bit disgusted with their puny paralysed upper lips, not understanding that holy repetition and a sick beat is where it’s at, fools, only this old man with no teeth gets it, he smiles muttering content ‘youngun can jive baaaad like back in the days, the torch keeps burnin’

Xerox Teens- Pay the Man

Apparently Xerox Teens (also at the myspace) are going to be massive in the same good way our favourite Lugosi garage-punk geeks the Horrors are massive, they even come from the same ‘Southend Scene’, correct me if I’m wrong since I don’t know much about this, I don’t pay that much attention to the whims and fads of modern youth culture, but I do pay attention when someone smacks me over the head, and Xerox Teens do, indeed, in this song (one of their older ones), they raise a hell of a drum n bass n guitar pyramidal cell, get locked inside and mosh with Renfield, Mark E. Smith and Peeping Tom while the bats fly over your head showering you with shit, debauchery marks their spot every time.

Download more stuff from their site.

-I’m kid Mika and I run around you zig zag bang clack burning a shoe-lace infinitum sign of which you’re the centre, zap to a past when punk was someone and new wave new, zap to a black white black Love and Rockets story, 2-D maximum energy and speed-lines rigth left always forward even when spiral, see me on stage in the top left frame in page 17* -don’t you dare throwing a beer bottle there or my girls Maggie and Hopie will kick your ass for good you prick.

Mika Miko- Forensic Scientist

You probably know of the astounding & riotous girl punk of Mika Miko as splattered over the black vinyl of C.Y.S.L.A.B., released by those fundamental Kill Rock Stars, well, we’re bringing you a song from their recently re-released self titled seven inch, it being the quinquessential punk-rock format & all.

If you were going to complain about it being badly recorded, about its shouty lyrics or stuff like that, well, then I guess you just don’t get it and probably never will.

But we’re off now, the kids stole our money, drank our booze, set the lawn on fire and are partying in our bedroom, we don’t care, they can do whatever they want, we’re happy.

&&&&&&&

PS- Go to ‘Make Motion Matter’, Andy’s night, at the Penthouse on thursday, 7-1, mighty Ashley from Charlottefield/Sabbath/Ack Ack Ack/Skills 7 Stamina 12 and of course Edgeworld guests and it shall be awesome, you know, it’s all about the disco-electro-afro-kraut-punk fusion.

Just check out the new mixtape Andy’s prepared as a treat…

Make Motion Matter mixtape 2

And say hi & thanks from us!

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Footnotes

*-Guys, gals, I didn’t run to the bedroom to check if there’s a band playing in the top left frame of page 17 of any of the issues of my Love & Rockets collection, I guess I’ve lost some geek points, but then I go out from time to time too.

labels >> xxjfg