It’s cold, and this has nothing to do with global warming, but we miss Test icicles.

Yes your hardy xxjfg writer with a penchant for Suicidal Tendencies cannot make do with that oddly out of place scremo one from The Automatic and needs to boldly go in search of some other uk kinder of the frantic.

Captains Log, star date probably 1978. Anyone fancy a spot of Futureheads with more Devo than Jam? Scotty, can you get me more power? Sulu, set the controls for the other reaches of the netherwords.

Sulo : surely not Bognor sir!

No Sulu, I’m afraid it’s worse than that, Glasgow.

We Are The Physics – Less than three

We approach the poorly eye sighted We Are The Physics with caution, due to there well known lethal leg movements and general jerkiness in all forms. Although mainly geeky and harmless they are known to burst into vocal harmony led rhythmically inconsistent guitar rackets not dissimilar to the Polysics, well known to make the rest of the crew become twitchy and sexually over aroused.

Dr.Spock : I find their time changes illogical captain, yet there popness unavoidably catchy. I suggest we leave immediately before the ship becomes infected.

Agreed, we head for the lands of the Silicon Vultures.

Silicon Vultures – Howling Stalion

Keeping watch for blood sucking unicorns, we pass by impressive record collections of Germs, Screamers, Nervous Gender and DNA to find another tale of twisted of synth noise, hidden beneath thrash guitar and lyrical science fiction.

Chekov : Captain i call this Heavy Metal. Why have we not read of them yet in Kerrang?

Uhura : What is that sound Captain? It’s intense like anger but somehow filled with joy, they seem to be enjoying themselves! Something about a Howling Stalion? I cannot read the full name of the track on their myspace page!

Dr. McCoy : I fear they have the same sickness to them I have seen before in The Blood Brothers, but in this case non of the subtlety. This could either be a good or a bad thing, and I have no way of knowing Captain. I suggest we leave a probe here to monitor their growth and move the ship to a safe distance immediately.

And so we journey on…

Sulo : From the signals we are getting I think we are approaching Japan Captain, and the noise core scene of Osaka.

Rolo Tomassi – Film Noir

No Sulu, this is Sheffield! City of Steel and also home to the younger breed of the Rolo Tomassi! Like Cabaret Voltaire and others before them they torment the indigenous population with complex structured yet seemingly random barrages of synthetic noise, primal screaming and tribal drum bursts.

Chekov : This isn’t pop, but it sure is fun!

Dr.Spock : I find it illogical that such youngsters can contain the power of Zuinosin and, if I may be so bold, early Boredoms in minds so young. I fear them might explode with intensity within a short time.

Wise words Spock, we can only hope – for our future as a race is invested in these young hearts and minds, or we must face the constant cue of tickets for Melt Banana gigs, never finding a voice of our own in the youth of today. We shall mark Rolo Tomassi in the federation guide book with two silver stars, and one gold star, however now it is time to resume our journey.

Uhura : Having monitored activity the result is no new Test icicles Captain. I think they were a one off glitch in the system.

Very well Lieutenant Uhura, damn i miss them. Spock, do you miss Bow Wow Wow and the days of Punk with Burundi drumming?

Spock : Why yes Captian, I found the patterns used to be most pleasing.

Mr Sulu, engage…

This friday 9th Feb, it will be It Came From The Sea’s 4th Birthday celebration at the Komedia 11-3am. We will be there to represent the XXJFGMassive, so if you can make it come and have FUNN and JAPES and get lost in the thick dry-ice that covered the dancefloor like last time!

Epilogue -
This post is tagged with blood sucking dr mccoy dr spock impressive record kerrang leg movements nervous gender physics record collections scremo silicon stalion star date suicidal tendencies sulu unicorns vocal harmony vultures