Some random musings on why going to most clubs is a bit shit when you’re a totally self-righteous nerd.

So the indie kids are dancing, the question is, how do they do it? is it the Jitterbug or is it the beheaded chicken? Or the fashion accessory shake? I like it when they do the young goat. Dance music was the last step in the evolution of a tradition of black transcendentalism which includes Sun Ra, Miles Davis or George Clinton, it took Kraftwerk’s space age motor machine music and stripped it to the bare minimum of a thumping sex beat which, at its blood-curdling best is a riddle of simultaneous simplicity and psychedelic communion, a sci-fi tribal drone (Woah I’m going all Wire on your ass), do the kids get it? Or has dance music become mere wallpaper for drugged up hedonostic adventures? I wouldn’t have, in principle, anything against this, kids need to unwind, what with all those exams and shitty jobs and Half-Life’s 2 release delayed until after the summer, they gotta let their hair down, and the club is the place to do it (better than happy slapping).

Fine, don’t think I like to get too structuralist on fun, and I endorse a bash from time to time… I’m not judging anyone, I’m just, erm, saying things.

Problem (1) is when you have undiscerning demand you get sloppy supply. Problem (2) is when being a DJ/producer becomes a highly shaggable position, of kudos and money, then you get all the wrong people doing it, you know, the ones endowed with those social skills total geeks (who spend their time in their bedroom learning how to mix) tend to lack, and hence better able to navigate successfully the dodgy seas of the club & music scene, industry, whatever. Problem (3) is there are only so many records that can come out in a year, and gresham law applies, the bad crowds out the good, same for clubs.

Why so? Perhaps because the people who are actually making the stuff don’t get it in the first place? Or they do get it, but the need (see problem (2)= ambition & money) to appeal to the sensibilities of an indie crowd in da club makes them put dance inside a pop corset antithetical to its psychedelic nature, tame down the rawness of its sound to appeal to a bunch of people who, to be honest, don’t dig their music too black? It’s not a question of prejudice, it’s simply that it takes a while to get used to, and enjoy, something you don’t know, the dancefloor is as good a place to learn as any other, people who craft good dance music are dancers themselves in the same way in which mopey balladeers have had their hearts broken too many times, you can dance inside your head too btw.

And it’s such a better party, tunes made with understanding and spirit, an unwillingness to cater to the whims of a crowd who should (and shall) know better, or perhaps not be there in the first place if it’s all just a big fashion thing, those tunes, you know, they just bang harder.

But then this is my understanding of dance as a genre (and I like crossover as much as the next guy, just don’t try and pass something for what it ain’t, like, hello Electroclash), perhaps I think about stuff too much, but then I’m bound to because whenever I go out I’m at risk of being subject to some fucking soulless indie band channel diversification strategy remix, or to an awful watered down version of something I’m genuinely passionate about, and that’s a liability boy, call it the Jar Jar Bins effect.

Anyway, that’s that, this post, spiritually co-authored by my boy Scott Genuine Guy, goes to Optimo, Silverlink, Allez Allez, Dave Liteyear, Trouble and Bass and Tigerbass, now for some tunes which I think summarise nicely what I’m talking about, put 95% of what’s out there besides them and go WTF, erm, dance.

Maurice- This is Acid

The original mix was featured in the absolutely awesome Can You Jack? compilation unleashed by Soul Jazz last year, well, here you have the S&T remix, in my opinion better, what can I say about it, Maurice’s timeless acid house classic of psyche futurism, longer, sexier, with shiteloads of siren sounds and, at 4.20, a breakdown to end them all. Once you’re here, there’s no going back, EVERYBODY JACK THE HOUSE.

And buy the re-issue.

Dr. Derelict- That Shit is Wild

The rant above might have sounded superintellectual and all the shizzle, but it isn’t meant to kids, sometimes the best psychedelia is about sheer sillyness, as this masterpiece of Wot da fukk was Dr. Derelict thinking of when he made it totally demonstrates. Have you heard this joke, bass goes to the rhythm, ‘yo you mental, why did you cross the road with the traffic lights green?’ Rhrytm replies, ‘I dunno, catsup?’, yeah, something like that.

Included in the Acid Trax Volume 2 compilation.

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Dance music shouldn’t surrender to the chorus bridge whatevs imperative imported from a pop music world which has different priorities, it’s more about beat idolatry, perhaps better when you don’t think too much about it, just throw it against the wall, if you do it hard enough it fucking sticks, as Paul Johnson’s on da rox style ruckus (vinyl!) or DJ Funk’s hyperspace speed wiggly hip B-House (vynil!) show, jump up punks.

Paul Johnson- Feel My M.F. Bass

DJ Funk- Shake a Lil Sum’n

Egyptian Lover- You’re So Fine (Greatest Hits Edit)

I hope that, in their next single, Bonde do Role do the E-gyptian Lov-ah over some sexy ass beat, because no-one, save for, yeah, Afrika Bambaa-taa, boogies like him, as the King of Ecstasy greatest hits compilation shows- there you go, two waxslices full of epic robotic sex electro jams, or Prince and Kraftwerk jumping hand in hand into a Kraftwerk’sTron-style rendition of Egypt 2000 BC, wicked stuff, bass me!

And to wrap things nicely, here you have the quinquessential electro crossover pop tune of this century, that’s Justice vs Simian Never be Alone or, when someone plays the original nowadays I feel like blowing chunks, as chopped to pieces with extreme prejudice by our favourite bass hero Drop the Lime, yeah, he tortures Your Friends and then pisses gasoline all over their mutilated corpses, sets them on fire, hold on, they’ve come back to life as a stuttering break monster with tattoed knuckles, homicidal in the dancefloor, perhaps we’ll have to kill it with, erm, electricity? I don’t think it’s gonna work…

Justice v Simian- Never Be Alone (Drop the Lime No Friends refix)

DTL put this up in das myspace and These Rocks Pop, one of our fave blogs out there posted it last week, massive props & big love.

THIS FRIDAY 22ND THE DO PRESENTS JOAKIM & the ECTOPLASMICS ++ HAWNAY TROOF %% ENGINE ROOMS BRIGHTON

French Tigersushi capo Joakim has released one of the best albums of the year= Kraftwerk if they were French vs Liars if they made dance. Total winner.

After his epic Dollar & Deed, Geekbeat MC Sex boy Vice Cooler-Hawnay Troof, also of XBXRX fame, comes down to make Brighton sweat once again with his revolutionary DIY booty hardcore.

Awesome stuff. They are well hot too.

We love you!

Epilogue -
This post is tagged with bare minimum dance music dj producer fashion accessory Genuine Guy george clinton goat dance hair down happy slapping indie kids jitterbug kids need machine music optimo random musings saying things self righteous sex beat space age structuralist sun ra transcendentalism