It’s nearly xmas. 10 reasons why Cliff Richard is cool.

1. Abstinence

Cliff’s love of God and all his laws has kept him pure, ahh. This makes him perfect to burn in a giant offering next time the crops fail. We think Antony Gormley could build us an appropriate alter.

2. Apache! (jump on it, jump on it, jump on it!)

Cliff Richard single handedly invented hip-hop and electro and mixing and scratching and everything. If Phil Collins has a claim, then so does Cliff. Yes!! – its all Cliff!!! ( ok, and his band The Shadows and their magic dance which is way better than the one on My Name is Earl but maybe not as good as the Fresh Prince.)

3. Una Stubbs

If we ignore point 1 he probably had it off with Aunt Sally.
Scrap that, splinters.

4. Scatology

Rumor has it Cliff used to like people to have their bowel movements on him while he lay under a glass table. Does that make Cliff some sort of Marquis de Sade/G G Allin freak ???

5. My Nan

He makes my Nan happy. Which has nothing to do with point 4 before you start.

6. The 80s

The video for ‘Wired for Sound’ – brilliant.

7. He is a Knight

Amazingly Cliff is a Sir Cliff Richard, The Queen says so. This makes him some sort of Knight of God, like a Paladin. He will be really strong when he succumbs to the true power of the darkside.

8. Look out Cliff!

Truly awful and yet at the same time, genius. Cliff brought an end to The Young Ones. :(

9 . This song

Cliff Richard – Move it

10. Your user generated content to live here

Ten is too difficult for any one writer. This is web2.0. Help us out in the comments box. Unless your American, in which case you will not have a clue who or what we are on about.

And now for something completely different…

Dan Nixon was a worried man today. Not only has the Green House Effect in Brighton now got a new bar manager after the brilliant old one Jezz left to go traveling (we miss you Jezz!) but Dan doesn’t know how many people in Brighton are going to come and see Zombie-Zombie.

He has reason to worry.

Brighton isn’t a little London by the sea where people like Rory Philips and Nadia Ksaiba from the Trash/Durrr/Ourdisco massive have a fan base to pluck bands like Zombie-Zombie from the air put them on at their new night Say Yes and people will turn up and love them,

Brighton is not Glasgow, with its fantastic vegan cheesecake/record shop, where people like Twitch and Wilkes can put Zombie-Zombie on at Optimo and people will love them.

Zombie-Zombie are on Versatile alongside Joakim, feature a member of Herman Dune(erm…) AND list the things they like on myspace as Goblin, Silver Apples, Raymond Scott, Sonic Boom, Experimental Audio Research, Steve Reich, Can, Suicide, John Carpenter, Neu, Laurie Anderson, Black Dice, Turzi, White Noise, Delia Derbyshire, John Cage, Liars, Sun Ra, Romero and Leon Theremin – so what is Dan Nixon worried about?

Zombie-Zombie – driving this road until death

You live in Brighton or near? You always want to go to Optimo or Durrr or OurDisco or Trash or one of those legendary places you dream of dancing your night away, but you cannot. No problem! The exact same taste maker approved quality entertainment is being shipped right to your doorstep by our good friends!

Let Dan know. There is nothing to sweat about. You will all be there, right?

Epilogue -
This post is tagged with antony gormley dan nixon delia derbyshire g g allin john carpenter magic dance marquis de sade optimo power of the darkside rave sir cliff richard user generated content zombie-zombie