You know we’re all about the gilded dancefloors of the discotheque, but you should also know that we’re even more about the winding staircases behind blood red velvet curtains hidden away in the dark corners of the disco that lead us down to the seedy, murderous places where red lights guide your way through a seemingly endless blackness and where unspeakable acts of malevolent magic are committed. Places from which people emerge from them with haunted expressions tinged with an odd look of sick satisfaction.

When Coil are fighting their way through a barrage of sharp, proto-house beats few bands seem more perfectly poised to play the in-house band for such shadowy, debauched basements, and this remix of their sleaze classic Anal Staircase demonstrates our point all too perfectly. Injecting an aggressively cold industrial backbone into the Cabaret Voltaire sound when they were immersed in all manner of Rob Gordon orchestrated bleep experimentation, they turn their abrasive noise merry-go-round into a maelstrom of fidgeting alien funk that feels as welcome as it does violently violating.

Coil – Anal Staircase (A Dionysian Remix By Rico Conning)

If you didn’t know already, tomorrow we’re hosting So Bones, a dance party at Catch where we’ll be playing an array of metal machine jams by the likes of The Dream, Ciara, Swishahouse, Gucci Mane, and all those super producers who get paid exorbitant amounts of money to make the kind of avant garde craziness indie miserablists could only dream of ever conjuring up in their damp bedsits.

To get into the spirit of things we thought we’d offer up the aural equivalent of sticking our fingers in your ears to swirl your brains around a little bit with this very fine specimen of chopped and screwed wizardry, the hip-hop artform so beloved of XXJFG heroes, Salem, that transforms mortal men into fire breathing Manga-esque demons, and coquettish women into deep throated, croaking men, which sounds wonderfully jarring when they’re slurring lines about their ongoing outlandish sexual escapades. This Choppaholix remix of a Baby Bash tune from a few moons ago is like wading through a swamp of mechanized insects whilst being stalked by a killer psychotic cyborg, mutilated in battle, it’s wire entrails dragging behind it as it’s mangled metallic hands claw at the ground in hot pursuit, rasping and wheezing with a chromatic echo, lending the original a depressingly apocalyptic edge where wires and circuit boards are your enemy.

Baby Bash – Yeh Suh (feat. Max Minelli) (Screwed n Chopped by Choppaholix)