In the cataclysmic sewers deep beneath the haunted architectures of Northern Europe there runs rivers of purest ectoplasm. EU directive 2010/666/8 dictates that a certain level of all energies contained in this powerfully emotive substance be kept in balance at all times, lest there be some hardcore spiritual ruptures happening at some seriously inopportune moments. Who can forget the great invasion of the undead Roman empire in 1846 or the Parisian ‘fantôme du chien’ incident of 1924. Not good for tourism.

In our new job as EU parapsychologist we were sent to investigate some alarming readings received on our rusty equipment over the last couple of weeks. Not one to get our hands dirty we sent a couple of our lackeys down into the Northern Territories’ marbled underpits to collect a sample of said ‘plasm.

Now, for those of y’all that don’t know, ectoplasm is the substance that can bind the living with the dead and it is a most sensitive of chaps, absorbing whatever are the most prevalent vibes, be they good or bad. We recently had to file another EU directive against people leaving negative comments on Youtube. Because if one more comment along the lines of ‘you can fucken go suck on your on fucken pussy for bein a fucken asshole you fucken dumbass’ had been posted on there, the negative energy would have made flesh to a spirit so foul, that we would have been looking at the end of humanity itself.

Upon our most recent analysis of this vibes-substance there was found unbelievabley high levels of cosmic energy. This is not necarsarily a bad thing but in high enough levels this kind of positive energy can be just as dangerous, and liable to summon all manner of heavenly undesirables without the correct paperwork. Looking at our Euromap for potential sources of this high concentration, there can only be one culprit.

In the monochrome subzone just perpendicular to Berlin on the astral plane, there is said to walk powerful Kosmiche overlords, and these good spirits preside over the well being of the city’s inhabitents. Some residents report this as a feeling of a hand on their shouder, others as a voice in their ear whispering words of comfort, although as they speak in their native language of German most expats can’t understand what they are actually saying.  We heard that one such spirit named Damiel wanted out of the game. Bored of his divine voyeurism he yearns to breath fresh air into his lungs and to kiss a lady. To drink a coffee and smoke a fag, put it out, see his freinds, see the sights and feel alright.

Therefore this recent build up of energy is his doing. Charge up the rivers with enough good energy and he can become human, and find out for himself just how bad a Maccy D shrimp burger really tastes.

Much as we would love to help him out, it’s more than our job’s worth. Therefore we cannot have any more cosmic energy coming out of this city and as such, the spinning of the following records is now banned under EC directive 2010/667/9.

Los Massieras – Allrighty

The Oliver Reeds of re-edits Los Massieras fall out of a cab onto the welcoming pavement of 20jfg once again. Thee heady masters of appropriation take their scalpels to Italy to place motorik stomps where they were not before, in ‘Allrighty’ creating a pulsating future-world where skuzzy afrobeat horns of the past might seem out of place floating by, but they’re sure as hell working out for ya as they file themselves into areas of your cortex you never knew they belonged. You Say Party!, We Also Say Party!

Better than Italians EP out now on Banamania. As Tim Westwood might put it, Go cop that joint.

Absolutely double banned as it’s liable to cause a cosmic rupture in the very cobbles beneath our feet is

JR Seaton – Azklementyne (12′ mix)

Working safely under the watchful eye of Damiel, JR Seaton is a true craftsman able to explore unchartered areas of house music with rarely touched tools such as clarinets and musical ideas. ‘Azklementyne’ and in fact the whole of the ‘She Had a Wing EP’ is like watching Peter Falk sketch in his notebook from a monochrome plain, only to realise that he can see  and hear you, only to then realise that he was once like you, only to then realise that it’s not Peter Falk at all but Mr Fingers and he wasn’t sketching in his notebook at all,  but actually laying down a synth pad so soulful you’re not going to forget about it for the rest of your life.

12′ out soon in Relish replete with a remix by our beloved Brassica. Different versions out now on digital replete with a remix by another family fave Headman. JR has also made us a rather stunning mix which has been loaded into our podcast photon torpedo to be launched at yr unsuspecting flanks this coming Saturday.

Epilogue -
This post is tagged with Cosmic motorik