Once in a while even yr ravenous infomorphs at 20JFG like to switch off their brains, and kick back in front of the intellectual void-hole that is the old-fasioned gogglebox (that’s goggle not google).

Several years ago it spat out an interesting philosophical conundrum known as ‘reality TV’, where you would have shows about a bunch of ‘real’ people doing ‘real’ stuff, which if you were also a ‘real’ person you would totally relate to, and be fascinated by. Then, when the shows were over the real people became a part of the untouchable fantasy of fame, but because they started out as a ‘real’ person, one could still very much identify with them.

Now that everyone is bored shitless by Big Brother, it’s time for ‘reality TV’ layer 2. In layer 2 you begin to see shows about a bunch of ‘real’ people doing ‘real’ stuff, except that the ‘real’ stuff is totally scripted or set-up by the production team, and the ‘real’ people are now actors playing themselves – meaning that the same ‘reality’ as layer 1 is still there, but is completely designed by the creators of the show.

Now, the ‘real’ people who become famous off the back of these shows are pre-ordained automoton, whose post-show careers have been thought up months in advance – but because we accept the layer 2 shows as layer 1 ‘reality’, it still seems like these salt-of-the-earth dudes have been plucked off the street at random, and that they still might actually have an ounce of free-will or influence over their on-screen lives.

Why the same techniques have not yet been used in childrens TV is beyond us – you could have a fly on the wall documentary about a post office, where you deliberately insert a character who is a big fat guy with a massive beard (that only wears red). Then, the series could end on December 24th with an hour long special about an epic delivery he embarks on, followed by a few pints with his mates. This would really help out parents all over the world who were desperately trying to perpetuate a certain myth every year (shhhh!).

The Green Door Kids – Moody

You may well have already heard this elsewhere, but this is one project that deserves the support of as many as possible. Muzikal Yooth featuring the Green Door Kids is a new project from our tightest of bros at Optimo Music. The album is almost entirely the work of  ”the Green Door Kids (aged 10-16) involved in the Youth Music Summer School and their slightly more grown up counterparts (aged 18-25) enrolled on the Song-Crafters Production Course”, which are both free music production workshops for young people occurring at the Green Door studios in Glasgow.

When not on duty we plot schemes to achieve brave new strands of low-fidelity (although the recodring here is pristine), such as getting the Shaggs to cover the Pratts – and as such, coming across an even lower-slung, looser yet even more enthusiastic version of an already lazy, low-slung, loose as hell disco anthem is the stuff that we dream about. And their cover of ESG’s ‘Dance’ is beyond our wildest expectations, to say the least.

Muzikal Yooth featuring the Green Door Kids is out now. We encourage you to support this project, cuz it doesn’t get more real than this.

Or what about a docu-soap about a Kindergarten where one of characters is a sass-talkin’ robot 4 year old, who could then go on to have a very successful vocoder driven pop career?

The Little Dabs – Spot Light

The Little Dabs were 2 children of 4 and 6 (although they might have had some help from a grown-up) who embarked on a short-lived pop career – topping the Canadian charts with their smash hit ‘E.T’. Unfortunately, the world of drugs and floozies they found themselves in eventually took its toll, and they were both in rehab within six months. When they got they out took their millions of dollars and invested in a lemonade stand in the quiet, secluded village of Philadelphia – where you can still find them today. ‘Spotlight, the b-side to ‘E.T’ is a surprisingly nimble punk-funk speeder which powers across our game grid with surprising skill for ones so young (although they might have had some help from a grown-up).

Seeing as this was released on the Musicworks mega-corporation, you can pick up all the Little Dabs back catalogue from itunes.

Epilogue -
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