20JFG FanFiction: Preston G. Parallax (part 1)

Featuring : Tense

20JFG FanFiction really is the series that keeps on giving. After seeing its genesis on the blog a couple of weeks ago, our very own speculative gasbag – Preston G. Parallax – couldn’t resist but have a pop. Here today, we proudly present his own synopsis for a sequel to the 1982 Walt Disney classic Tron.

Preston claims that his version has been in the hands of the actual 2011 sequel creators since he penned it in 2002, and is currently preparing a lawsuit against them for ‘pilferation of ideas’. The creators of Tron Legacy said they have never heard of Preston, and told us to ‘piss off’. Whoever’s telling the truth – Walt Disney if you’re out there, and you’re reading this, and you’re looking for script writers, and you’re still alive – then Preston’s your boy.


By Preston G. Parallax aged ??

One day whilst out shopping at PC World, Jeff Bridges felt warmly reminiscent. He stared longingly at the Dell Inspiron 17R whose price had just been slashed by 25% (for a limited time only), caressing its purring plastic surface as an old man ruffles the hair of his grandchild. In many ways, the soon to be obsolete plastic box was his child, for he was the greatest computer programmer the world had ever known. Teary eyed, he remembered the world he had once visited – a perfect world of his own creation. A world that looked a bit like a silent movie, except with neon bits, where The Dude could hang out and play frisbee all day. A world where motorbikes could only corner at 90 degree angles.

Suddenly, he remembered about a 5 1/4 floppy disc in his rucksack, and excitedly pulled it out. A curious thought occured to him. “What if I run my old program on a massively more powerful modern machine” he thought to himself “What would happen then?” he thought again. And without a third thought, Jeff Bridges put his old 5 1/4 inch floppy in the drive, and vanished.

He awoke in a strange polycarbonate room. At first it appeared to be an advert for an isotonic drink, or some Adidas football boots, but as his vision cleared he realised what it was, and a spark of ecstasy washed over him like a powerbook in a bathtub. He was here! But because the Dell Inspiron 17R had a 530s graphics card and 4 gigabytes of RAM, his world looked no longer like the cover of an italo disco record. No! now it was exactly like the real world – the people no longer looked like Buster Keaton covered in glowsticks, and every detail was the same. Bikes could now go around corners at any angle they liked, even though they were supposed to be on a circuit board. “Imagine the possibilites!” Jeff Bridges thought to himself.

Imagining the possibilities, Jeff Bridges went to his local jobCentre ++. It looked like the inside of an Audi designer’s mind, all white and plastic and stuff, and the lady behind the counter spoke like a robot. She told him of a vacancy at Mackrelsaft, the local technology company, for which he applied, and because he was the greatest computer programmer the world had ever known, he was hired on the spot…….(continued tomorrow)

//TENSE// are one of our favourite modern EBM bands, and one of the few modern EBM bands that have not slagged off the new blog design.

//TENSE// – Disconnect Myself

Coming soon on the beloved Mannequin records is the slammin’ Escape EP, a sprawling Electronic Body Metaphor in which metaphorical versions of Front 242, Ministry and Absolute Body Control drive together across a metaphorical post-apocalyptic landscape in one big leather clad metaphor. Seriously though, Disconnect Myself is the jagged electric pulse that shrieks through yr skull (on the expressway, no less), across yr cerebrum, and onto yr game grid, breaking through the walls into the static-defined chamber of the Master Control Program.  Stare into his eyes, and ye shall learn the terrifying code written by the devil himself which is imminently about enslave the whole of mankind via a buggy Google Chrome update.

Escape EP is out 28th April on Mannequin records.