As part of our process of constant renewal and skin shedding, which includes the transformation of our web presence into what some have referred as a ‘Gap refit’ but we’d rather think of as a tribute to the apocalyptic retrofuturism of the Fallout franchise, or an anticipation of the sure to be awesome Bioshock Infinity, and a rejection of cheap references to 1970s sci-fi and Giallo horror which as you well know we dominate, but can be arsed to rehash, we have retained a consultant to map out our processes and initiate organisational change – his name is R. Douglass, and he’s got a proven track record in hotly tipped internet outlets such as H8ULR and 40’n’times. Our aim is getting more bang for our buck in terms of web visibility, unique visitors, and advertising revenue, prior to going public through the ZEITDAQ stock exchange for loss making Internet ventures.
Douglass has identified several ‘hot spots’ in our processes – including appalling labour productivity, erratic scheduling and poor time-to-market, spelling mistakes and nonsensical grammar, content bloat, insufficient exploitation of cross-media synergies and shoddy customer/supplier management. Over the coming weeks we will be piloting some ‘best of breed’ practices that Douglass has identified after a thorough scanning of the blog music market. To begin with, we have put in place a set of templates for drafting that will boost our productivity by several orders of magnitude, improve readability and support the wider diffusion of our brand through press release references and other viral channels. This is one of the templates that we are considering:
[image code = Blurry photo/Sci fi book artwork/esoteric pyramid/someone cutting themselves/being punk rock in some other ways in a live performance]
[Home of the band] [name of the band] is one of the main exponent of the [name of the scene] scene that also includes [name of other bands in the scene]. It features members of [other bands in the scene or in other scenes], and in their latest release, [name of the release] in [label] they [descriptor – take things forward/keep it real/aim to set the club on fire/dust their [obscure old band] records]. In [name of the track] which we are premiering today, they come across like a [name of a popular band] and [name of popular band] [action- getting off in the club toilet/jamming into infinity and beyond/setting up a book club of esoteric philosophy].
20jazzfunkgreats DJs will be playing some record this coming [date] at [name of the night and name of venue]. [Name of band] will be doing an exclusive [live set/acoustic set/DJing session/abstract performance] at [time]. Don’t miss out!
We are so excited, this is going to be awesome.
You may remember C. Spencer Yeh from Burning Star Core, which we described, in November 2005, as a ‘suitably epic and aural assault of strings, random noises and majestic rhythms that pounds along like the Sun Ra Arkestra if they had been into role-playing games.’ Yes, that man.
Well, we were rather surprised to hear he had a 7’’ coming in always-reliable De Stijl records, mostly because most of his past tunes broke the 10-minute mark. Even more surprised when we pressed play, almost as much as we were by the latest Cold Cave record. (which we really dig by the way).
Pleased too, because contrary to what you may expect, it’s not only protracted flights of synthetic fancy and imaginary soundtracks for botched giallo projects that rock our boat. No, we love a well-crafted pop tune, and we love Talking Heads, and some of us (some more than others) love David Bowie, and we love it how things get rather manically and playfully percussive/subtly synthdroney-infiltrated as the song approaches its coda, think TV on the Radio if they were in K Records instead of 4AD – this is understated pop genius of the sort that we will miss now that the LCD Soundsystem are no more. Get it here.