20JFG recently caught wind of a new production going down in Hollywood, based on its scurrilous life and times. With a working title of ‘The Music Blog’ (changed swiftly from ‘Those Bastards in the Ivory Tower’) – the movie is a somewhat defamatory, quasi fictional account of the much maligned reportage portal’s rise to power. Conceived as a biting analysis of the state of the music media in 2011, the plot is loosely based on real life anecdotes submitted by ex-writers and interns -which have been recklessly re-edited by the scriptwriters to make us look like a bunch of unfeeling, power-crazed nutbags.

The film begins in Bournemouth in 1995. Two ambitious young computer programmers cum music journalists – José and Simon – are running a moderately successful startup site out of their mouse-ridden Poole flat. Coded in a pre-HTML markup language, ‘The Bournemouth Local Music Review.co.uk’ has achieved some degree of popularity with music fans in the area. But due to its limited coverage of pub-rock-cover-bands and incompatibility with Netscape 2.1, is a very long way from achieving their long-term dream of  ’complete globalibility’.

That is until they are visited in a dream by Justin Timberlake (then head of Napster), who thinks the site has ‘potential’ and offers to put up the money for them to massively expand the operation. After a relocation to silicon valley and a savvy rebranding to ’20jazzfunkgreats.co.uk’, The Bournemouth Local Music Review becomes a huge success – dominating the interweb with its charismatic blend of thinly disguised advertising copy, amazing schlock horror references and inexplicably influential ‘in the know’ infomulch.

All is going amazingly well for the blog and it seems that they are unstoppable. However, in an inebriated moment of casual honesty, lowly staff writer Gordon S. Googlemaps publishes a scathing review of the new album by Justin Timberlake (then a famous popstar). Gordon describes JT’s seminal work as a ‘big pile of donkey-doos’, scoring it a meagre 2.5 out of 100 and declaring its cultural worth to be less than ‘a toddler chewing a Tom Jones CD’.

Timberlake (played by Anthony Hopkins) is furious, and sues the blog for deformation of character, lost earnings plus the time he tripped on some loose carpet in the office and hurt his leg, but couldn’t be bothered to call the National Accident Helpline. After a painfully tense 30 minute long real-time court scene, Timberlake eventually wins back his original investment plus damages of $100,000,000,000,000.

The Bournemouth Local Music Review.co.uk is ruined. José and Simon are packing away their things and about to move to a slightly less plush office in the gutter, when a mysterious smokin’ man approaches them – he says his name is ‘Murdoch’, but he doesn’t look like the crazy dude from the A-Team. Murdoch (then ruler of the entire universe) offers to pay the fine, and buy them out in exchange for a small share in the company and ‘a little say in how things are run now and again’. Despite his convincing outfit of a counterfeit indie rock t-shirt (Pavemunt?) and ‘slacker haircut’ wig, José and Simon are unsure whether Murdoch’s unflinching commitment to underground music is as strong as their own.

What shall they do? Do they ‘keep it real’ and continue the blog from the stinking pits of unbelievable poverty, where they will surely be empathically closer to the plight of most musicians - or do they ‘sell out’ to ‘the man’ and continue their quest from the comfort of some one thousand dollar Aeron chairs, safe from the stench of the moshpit….

Well, we won’t spoil the ending for you – but needless to say it involves a further 3 court cases, a World War and the mass inplanting of a cranial ‘taste override’ chip containing some experimental firmware stolen from the 20JFG servers.

‘The Music Blog’ is out in cinemas this Autumn.

Euro-peeps can forget this lousy weather, we got a sweet summer jam for you today…

Alex Israel – GAZ-13 feat. Etiku Dancer

Sir William Burnett of Last Week comes back again this week – his WT Records present this here most excellent EP by Alex Israel. As you could expect, with its author having graced two of  the deepest machine-soul meccas in the known universe, ‘Walking to Guntersville’ is a masterstroke in the ever expanding field of true electronic expressions. ‘GAZ-13′ is the pure haze of the summer solstice that hangs above a heady ritual performed by dextrous purple druids. Their immaculate fingers caress keys so subtle in a recurrent ceremony that will summon the strings of life. Or in less nonsensical terms – a thing of the upmost beauty.

You can pick up ‘Walking to Guntersville’ right now from Clone, and surely some other reputable vendors across the globe.

Epilogue -
This post is tagged with WT Records