The Fitbit keeps malfunctioning. Every morning when I get up, it tells me that I have walked several miles. Maybe it is all the thrashing about in bed. Yes, I haven’t been sleeping well. I feel tired and achy all the time.
Perhaps I should take it easier with my thesis, but it is hard. I feel that I am on the verge of a big breakthrough, I can’t stop now. The basic insight is simple: space noise isn’t just random. Rather, it is random but not because it doesn’t have an intelligent source. It is random because this intelligence is chaotic. I think I am pretty close to finding its location.
But the closer I get, the worse I sleep. The worse the dreams get. Viscous things thrashing in the darkness. An indescribable flotilla approaching. A rat grimacing at me with its wicked, deformed face. I think I have also seen it in my social media feed, I scroll back down but I can’t find it.
I should talk with my supervisor and perhaps take a break, but I’m so close, I’m so close. I gaze into the night sky and can almost glimpse a gate about to open. I listen to the space noise and I hear the beginning of an awful melody, a lullaby sung in a place far away, and so I fall asleep again, with a mixture of dread and anticipation.