Saturday mixtape: Trump impersonator crowned King of England

Dear Humanity,

We had a quick chat with Boris.

Although his aims are inline with our war against the living, he did not seem to understand how vital his role to the bringer of chaos was. He was more interested in his own mortal wealth.

As elder gods we have witnessed your wars for resources, mass destruction of other species, and admire your drive for self extinction.

While that’s all very well and good in the inevitable return of the deep ones, would it be possible to slow down on the end of the world events a bit?

We have a Trello board and the TODO column isn’t looking good…

I had a quick chat with the Dark Princess – who it turns out has a Princess2 certificate – and she says your species extinction project date is not due for another 2000 years, so Boris and Trump are just massive scope creep.

At the time of writing there is no UK election planned.

Conservative MPs pick 2 sacrifices to put to unelected party members who choose the next head of the UK.

Unelected paying members of the party pick who is the next UK prime minister.

XXJFG are obviously in the 66+ group, but as all elder gods prefer to withhold how many hundreds of years we have existed in your reality.

We quite like your reality and would appreciate it if you could try and not end it all before our lord rises from the deep if that’s ok?

I’d reach out, but that would destroy your soul, so email us.