Category Archives: Emmanuel Jal

Holidays in the black hit of space

Forget our own globe. Every cat knows the outer rim is where its at this cycle…

XXJFG MEGA EXCLUSIVE

Troubled by what is the must visit holiday destination and aural accompaniment to your trip this year? Worry no further and let Televisions finest people who know about stars and stuff reveal all!

Brian Edward Cox, OBE


Physicist & CERN member Brian Cox is best know for TV shows such as :

  • Wonders of the Solar Systemmagnificent CGI galaxy tour of our nearest and dearest
  • Stargazing LIVEspringwatch with inanimate objects
  • Dancing with the starsminor celebs are blasted into deep space to meet a fiery ending in the embrace of a burning gas ball in nothing more then a fake tan & very tight sequined pants.

Brian’s favorite holiday location this year is Saturn’s sub-zero nitrogen atmosphered moon Titan aka Saturn VI, where he works in the Butlins holiday center showbar performing two shows a night of Iron Butterfly & Vangelis medalies. We have to agree with Brian on that Titan, with it’s glorious liquid methane or ethane lakes and seas, and picturesque views of Saturn would be difficult to miss out on any galactic cruise your taking this year.

Brian is also the keyboard player in the well know Tony Blaire emperor’s march soundtracking D:ream , the rather less well known Def Leppard meets Richard Marx’s hair rockers Dare, and long suffering keyboard player  and captain of lockheed starfighters for fellow Space is Deep enthusiast Robert ‘Bob’ Calvert. When Brian isn’t comparing plushy Quarks with Robert he enjoys nothing better than a game of pin the sting on the diverging reality.
Robert Calvert – The Right Stuff

Brian is currently appearing in a comedy radio show with Alan Moore.*
*THIS IS ACTUALLY FUCKING TRUE!!

 

Russell Grant

Russell Grant is an astrologer who (like all astrologers) makes up more lies than we do and is famous for generating large sums of money for a load of hocus pocus. A bit like organised religion, but without the moralising shite. edit: He also has a vigilant International Sales & Marketing Director called Kevin J Parker who either avidly reads this blog or has a Google alert set up. Hi Kevin!

Although initially entertaining we do not endorse laughing at afflicted people who believe in Astrology/Pixies/Psychics/Gods/Unicorns/Gnomes or other junk.

If you are going to pick some kind of belief system for control of others based on the fears and gullibility of your audience the wizard of xxjfg would like to recommend you go with one or a pick and mix of the following –

  • eating peoples brains to gain their strength (specifically astrologers).
  • a huge element of WTF by L. Ron Hubbard.
  • ancient may pole loving real ale drinking morris dancing faith with bells on.
  • the old gods whom we dare not call in name and will smite you down if you every betray them (popular amongst steam punkers).
  • humans were genetically modified by gods from outer space.

Den Haan – Gods From Outer Space

Student of von Däniken, Den Haan‘s rather amazing album Gods From Outer Space is available now on itunes, with vinyl soon. Den Hann has nothing to do with Russel Grant as far as we know. But lets not waste any more time on these pseudo-science weirdoes, for some real knowledge lets go straight to a bonafide scientist who knows some proper stuff about the stars.

 

Sir Patrick Alfred Caldwell-Moore, CBE, HonFRS, FRAS

Now we are talking!

Long serving Astronomer, Gamesmaster, monocle wearer, Flat Earth Society member, xylophone player extraordinaire and Time Lord Patrick Moore is best known for the BBC television series he has presented since the 1950’s – The Sky at Night.

Patrick’s favorite holiday location is the red supergiant Antares. With it’s guaranteed warm weather, view of orbiting star Antares B, wonderful national anthem sung by Lieutenant Uhurah and lack of habitants in the vicinity (according to the Frontier: Elite II ) it’s a great place to get away from it all and unwind.

Patricks’s well publicised love trio with twin haired Anita Dobson and Brian May led to their musical collaboration on the ‘not actually the original theme tune’ track Star Fleet. Due to an late night ‘Sorry Brian, I thought you were Anita’ incident Patrick’s magnificent Xylophone solo was replaced on the Star Fleet ‘not actually the original theme tune’ track by untalented guitar wanking just in it for the money chancer Eddie Van Halen.

Patrick’s early musical career flourished after working on the Stanley Kubrick/Arthur C Clarke 2001: A Space Odyssey soundtrack and marrying Walter Carlos. Patrick was also fond of showing off his enormous telescope to Daphne Oram in a broom cupped at the BBC he later discover to be the BBC Radiophonic Workshop Headquarters. It was during one of these late night broom cupped sessions that Patrick contributed to the Pye Corner Audio Transcription Services recording we share with you today.

Pye Corner Audio Transcription Services – We Have Visitors

Patrick unfortunately declined into alcoholism, became a member of the anti-immigration/eurosceptic/racists New Britain party, is now a member of the anti-immigration/eurosceptic/racists Conservative party and has married Davros in the mistaken belief he was marrying Stephen Hawking . The couple live happily together in their Skaro orbiting spacestation with two cats and a hord of genetically manipulated mutants who may one day turn against their unsuspecting masters.

Pye Corner Audio Transcription Services Black Mill Tapes Vol.1 is out available from pyecorneraudio.bandcamp.com, with Vol.2 coming soon.

 

Carl Edward Sagan

Carl is a cosmologist, unit of measurement, dope smoking advocate, believer in aliens, god and internet singing sensation. Carl is best known for his totally awesome series Cosmos: A Personal Voyage. Although virtually unknown (except by geeks) in the UK he has recently become a real Dawkins internet meme due to the syphonyofscience Cher inspired autochoon videos.

Carl’s favorite holiday location is the small s-type asteroid belt, 2709 Sagan. The stony composition (thanks wikipedia!) makes for a good hard surface to watch UFO’s from any time of year, and is originally said to have been part of planet Vogan which was destroyed at vast cost by the apparently poverty stricken Brighton & Hove city council after they mistook it for a cycle path.

(a member of brighton & hove city councils ruling conservative party – unavailable for comment/replying to emails sent by members of the public they are meant to represent)

When not scaring Isaac Asimov with his intellect Carl liked to kick back on his rock in space, wait for the aliens to arrive and listen to Sudanese music remixed by one half of Swedish brother and sister duos – which is rather specific, and in fact we could only find one tune from 2010 to match the specification.

Emmanuel Jal – Kuar  (Olof Dreijer Remix)

We could listen to this “billions and billions” of times, but as it is we have a bunch of Television naturalist to interview about their pets and pet sounds for the next edition.

Peace out, space is the place, watch the skies and who said scientist don’t know how to party?