Marsha Hunt – Oh, no! Not the Beast Day!

Being of a generally positive disposition he went about his day as if this were a normal occurrence, which would eventually dissipate.

The first signs of something inherently different began to stir inside Stuart’s hand during the Royal Wedding. Although a staunch anti-monarchist Stuart could not help but raise his arm whenever the Queen appeared or was mentioned. His normal gut reaction to the monarch’s cake on head hat was replaced by a warm glow and feeling of love and protectiveness for her and her offspring.

In an effort to check reality he bought a copy of the Daily Mail, customarily guaranteed to launch the liberal broadsheet reading Stuart into a hopeless pit of sadness for today’s society. Instead he found himself discharging his load over a picture of some ‘European Muslim Eggs’ which happened to be positioned vertically underneath a beaming picture of HRH, in her cake hat.

Stiff upper lip aside, Stuart now realised it was probably time to seek some professional help and rang the hospital.

The carriage which arrived to collect Stuart had the traditional markings of an ambulance, but was somehow more akin to a VW disco / camper. DJ Harvey rang the bell and announced, “Get in, Locussolus“ – by which Stuart knew it was very much time to leave.

It is autumn, and coming up to dusk. As Stuart reclined in the back Harvey plugged him into a series of drips and began to administer an intravenous space funk medication to ease the mind.

Locussolus – Little Boots (An Emperor Machine Special Edit Version)

“Here we are,” Harvey says as the ambulance stops on a lovely avenue, beneath a tree – they are plane trees – in front of some sort of small private home which can be seen nestled between the courtyard and the garden, the type of small private dwelling one finds along the East Coast of Sussex. The street lamps are some distance away, and it is fairly dark inside the ambulance. Outside it is raining. Harvey whispers – “it’s on international feel dude…” and Stuart made a mental note to purchase said album as soon as his transition was complete.

“Listen,” Harvey says. “Now you’re ready. This is where I leave you. You’re to get out and go ring the doorbell. Follow whoever opens the door for you, and do whatever you’re told. If you hesitate about going in, they’ll come and take you in. If you don’t obey immediately, they’ll force you to. Now run along.”

Pink Fairies – Do it

The doctors explained to Stuart that apomorphine acts on the ant bite to regulate the metabolism and normalize the blood stream in such a way that the enzyme system of normality is destroyed over a period of twenty jazz funk daze.

Once in the any bite is regulated apomorhine can be discontinued and only used in case of relapse. Stuart agreed to undergo treatment and entered the hospital. Stuart was somewhere around Rotingdean on the edge of the cliffs when the drugs began to take hold. He remembed saying something like “I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive…”

[To be read in a Barry White voice]

Stripped naked Stuart was now firmly secured to his hospital bed by an army of uniformed worker-nurses, and their treatment began in ernest….

[Cue soft lighting]

Herb Albert – Rise

[To be continued...]

This Saturday the 20JFG shall be going up to London for some more adventures in Victoria Park, it is Field Day. We intend to sit down in a certain area identified after careful analyses of secret manuscripts and the casting of the runes over esoteric cabbalistic texts, which led to the retrieval of a corpse in the Parisian catacombs, a map tattooed in its dried-up back describing ley lines of feeric power in whose intersection we shall set our throne of polyester and cardboard, sniffing the burned ozone in the air like ravenous hounds of war, detecting in its underground currents an atmospheric reaction to the frictions of excitement at the vibes of sweet music, this shall be the HQ of our campaign of infiltration, search and self-destruction, a psychedelic war-room from whence we shall initiate razzias in those stages where the champions of sound battle against the English sky to initiate a chain of spiritual conflagration that we hope shall set us, and our accomplices on fire.

The tribal stomp shall be indeed performed in front of Beyond the Wizards Sleeve, Les Savy Fav, Dan Deacon, Modeselektor, our favourite spectral dub squad Telepathe and, of course the master of all things cosmic and fucked up, the Emperor Machine.

The Emperor Machine- Roller Daddy

Everyone asks me what this is when I play it out, wonder why. This is fucking vintage Emperor Machine, and when I say vintage Emperor Machine I mean double vintage shit, probably my favourite tune by the machine, I could describe it as the sound of headless horsemen advancing through the avenues of London menacing like a squad of Victorian nazgul leaving a trail of jinxed traffic lights on their wake to eventually arrive at their final destination, a scorched cellar covered in pagan graffitti, just on that crucial moment when Satan’s own house band reach the climax of a psyche crescendo, primeval riffage expanding in concentric circles manifested in vicious ectoplasmic tendrils that strangle participants in seances across the land, unholy structures all angles of obsidian rising from the furious waters of the unconscious of sleeping mediums to create nightmares that beget screams whose echoes you can still hear resonating in haunted back alleys on those strange nights which are the nation of black cats.

If they play this live I swear I will weep blood. Classic.

So yeah, go to Field Day, it’s good for you.

And just to warm up, Nitefreq is happening the night before, Friday. We have had a sneak preview of Citinite’s new lovingly crafted release, the Modernaire EP, and we can only say one thing: goto. There. Swinging situationist jacking electro boogie doesn’t get any more jacking than that fellow androids, support the true heroes of the man-machine revolution, for real. Better taste you won’t be able to find anywhere in the interzone, or outside.

I’ve meant to write about The Emergency for ages, and now it’s the moment, relish the second before you press play below as one of anticipation before bliss, an electric impulse later finds you floating in the zero-g space of their synthetic world, skies of an orange gradient such as those summoned by Vangelis in the mournful multi-track suggestions of See You Later, or hegemonic alchemists Chris and Cosey, an eternal carousel of neon tubes curling upon each other like genetic algorithms, coupling, swirling and growing into the perfect shape of an electroid pop gem endowed with the same baroque & languid sexuality of Sebastian Tellier’s vanilla butterfly soul, it could have well found a home in the perfectly curated museum of the LCD Soundsystem’s debut album, a statue of liquid metal of Rodinesque beauty getting off with Marc Almond in the luminous spaces of a modernist corridor.

The Emergency- Vanishing Prize

As it is, you should get it in their pristine Forever/Too Much 12.

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We just received some real sweet tees from the good folks at You Might Never Find Us, so that you know. They have an awesome zombie design by our main B&W team black Banana which will be useful disguise when the apocalypse happens, while we recommend the X marks the spot one for your potential vampire new wave friends, now let’s hope that your pulse doesn’t waver when you have to drive a stake home through it and into the concrete wall, arterial blood splatter across virginal white, that’s the look for this summer of 2008.

Praise to Lovefingers, the vast all-encompassing knowledgeable ones, who float through cyberspace like a giant orb of malevolently humming eyes, searching for the best disco and cosmic decadence ever committed to humble vinyl. Then, sometimes they edit them to achieve maximum enlightenment:

Nitedog – Mars (Nitedog’s Lunar launch)

It’s Nitedog, not Lovefingers! Yeah I know, but they go hand in hand on awesome new 12″, Black Disco, Vol.1, and the Mars edit is the best of the lot.

Listen as the opening thousand points of light ring out like a coda of sin, black cloaked creatures with blank faces and emaciated limbs converge on a grey cold stone formation of unknown origin but well known power. From its middle tip a stream of black liquid coils out from a fissure through the air and forms into the face of a thousand funk legends that grows in size and rushes to the ground engulfing the worshippers who then trail off across the white sands towards a blue and green sunrise – no fear in their hearts, just the sound of strutting demon soul instructing them to blow their minds.

Once they have reached this aurora borealis sunrise, they gain faces and the whiteness in their skin turns a vivid green hue, thus their true alien form is revealed, as synthesised drums roll in from the icy north and The Emperor Machine arrive in their spacecrafts to blanket-bomb the white desert with balls of discopic fury.

The Emperor Machine – Gang Bang

These balls thud into the sand and open like a Pandora’s Box of minimal sparking retrograde 70′s Lost In Space sci-fi fuzz. This fuzz breaks apart and shoots into the hearts of our green-skinned hordes who affect African dance moves and kill the sandy dancefloor with Martian voodoo death. Soon their backs split and giant electric spiders stretch out their limbs from the sack of skin and cloak that they leave behind. They march to the nearest city, all the while soundtracked by The Emperor Machine, and fire lasers from a cluster of glass-like eyes, bringing down civilisations to the sound of electro disco from an Africa that exists on Mercury.

‘Gang Bang’ is the flip to new 12″ ‘Slap On’, check it from DC Recordings.

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Special Bonus Treat For Readers!

The excellent mixtape pioneer, Zzzune, has made us an awesome slow-motion disco behemoth which we now share with you – complete with artwork by our number 1 kid, Martha – its recorded onto actual cassette tape for that authentic taste that you will surely dig:

Zzzune – Pattern Recognition Mix

Achim Wollscheid – 7 Sentences
Cousins of Reggae – Old English Spelling Bee #6
Yellow Swans – Descent 1
James Yorkston – Woozy With Cider (Quiet Village Remix)
Mala – Left Leg Out
COH – Quadrate Fur Max-ernst
Shackleton – Blood On My Hands (Ricardo Villalobos Apocalypso Now Mix)
The Knife – The Captain
Milanese – Tony Sombrero
Harmonic 33 – Planet 54
Animal Collective – #1
Stormhat – A Pathway to Gormenghast (Demo)
Excepter – Give Me The Cave
Kid Acne – Eddy Fresh (Gescom Dub)
Jack Rose – How Green Was My Valley
Deerhunter – Octet