And we’re back. You’re tuned to 4.6 on the Thetha lobe of the Telepathic Network, and it’s time for the second half of the Afrofuturistic Interdimensional Entertainment News, brought to you in association with ZhupaDrei ‘zero gravity’ antiperspirant – now available for all 3 sexes. It’s about that time, so here is the news in Audio for those of you who are only able to see in 4 and 5 dimensions.
There was trouble in the x=754/90 system today after controversial archaeologist Ram Nebulat 19th unearthed a rather nasty surprise. After being warned several times by residents of Utec-9 to leave well alone for his own saftey, Ram and his team went ahead with the excavation of an ancient burial ground believed to be some 90,00000000 minims old. The star-find of the dig was an engraved totem-portal, which was accidentally activated by one of Ram’s team during a cigarette break, unfortunately summoning the souls of every life-form that died on the planet since the portal’s burial. Things took a further turn for the worst when Lad-ETA, the Utecian goddess of war also came through the portal to see what all the noise was about.
Ram and his team are believed to now be somewhere in the unknown quadrant, being hotly pursued by the melee of ghouls. When quizzed about the incident, a spokesperson for Utec-9 said merely ‘we told you so’.
The Crack Capone by DJ Roc is another agile and glimmering Juke fighter to join the crack squadron launching from the Planet Mu mothership this year. Emblazoning the nebulous vision layed out above across our frontal cortex like several hundred rave flyers being stuck over a James Blunt poster, ‘Phantom Call’ cracks open the future and holds the doors just long enough for us to board before the superlative thought-vessel leaves the docking station – and becomes our guide through a perplexing yet rewarding polis of original pilfering and triplative rimshots, that once again marks these nu-Chicago bards out as the current champs of inventive, sample based dance music.
Summon up this one here.
An appeal went out today from the creator of Burger-Droid ‘FLIPBOT 000978’, who went missing sometime last week. The droid, who was designed only to flip beef patties, place them in burger buns and deliver a few choice pre-recorded niceties, went missing after some of his coding grouped together in an unexpected way and he realised how shit his job was. The last confirmed sighting of FLIPBOT 000978 was in a Jobstation somewhere in sector 6656, although there have been unconfirmed reports of him turning up at parties across the galaxy, wasted and having fun. His creator said today ‘come home FLIPBOT – we miss your 99% accurate bun flips, oh er and of course…we miss you’.
Nasty Rock by Garrett’s Crew is brought to you today from the educational standpoint of Juke contextualisation, in an effort to plot another point in a past that brought us the futuristic contemporary that we see on this very day. However again, we know jack (in the very real, jack shit sense) about this record, James L Garrett jr. or his crew – only that it later came out on the mighty Prelude and it’s a total banger. Coming like an overzealous Troutman let loose in Bruce Haack’s mind, Nasty Rock is a shining example of why spending some serious time in this era of music is deeply rewarding, if never visited before. Time to chuck those Chromeo records in the bin, cuz there’s more to come real soon…..
You can of course pick this here classic up from eBay.
This very evening 2 of us will be materialising in the multikulturell town of Berlin with our universal translators set to weirdo. We will be joined by the mysterious Cabana La Chupog from the well-known Applefrenzy record label. Berlin readers if any, we would be honoured if you decide to grace us with your presences. Free entry we think. Facebook event here.