An international team of biologists travel to the barren lands of London to investigate the impact of the electoral catastrophe in the life-forms of the area. Picture this- a charismatic and rugged Kurt Russell type, a nerdy quantitative analysis guy with empathy deficit issues, a blonde tree-hugging amazon and a clean-cut chemical engineer with a few ties with the pharmaceutical cartels, all of them sitting in an old Lynx helicopter as it flies over the immense and ominous grey landscapes, fragile papier mache trees contorted like the handicrafts of deranged children, and pock-marked buildings which stand desolate with their windows gaping mute witnesses to a horror too ghastly to be described. The shadow of the helicopter singular sign of life under a pale sun glaring like a white hole in the sky, the arpeggiated synth fingers of an icy symphony of horror spreads lugubrious around the rattling cockpit where our protagonists sit apprehensive.

Der Zyklus- Quasar

Icy electroid maestros Der Zyklus have included this oppressive piece of throbbing Carpenterian tension in their new ‘Cherenkov Radiation EP’, to which we listen with a smile in our thin purple lips while stroking the serrated edges of a hunting knife, sense and sensibility but not the way you thought.

Being ambushed by cannibal degenerates clad in rural garments stitched with human skin who follow the dumb council of a rambling albino shaman, and having to watch them skinning their guides alive as a tribute to the phosphorescent deity that roams the woods, so that it might favour them in they their war against the packs of telepathic feral rats that inhabit the neighbourhood doesn’t contribute to the peace of mind of our conflicted team of biologists.

The nefariously seductive vibrations of The Pyramids spread over us like magenta ectoplasm slowly spilling out of the eyes and nostrils of a cadaveric medium during a seance where we try to contact the darken spirit which inhabits Deerhunter’s house on top of the hill, their s/t album could well soundtrack those close-ups of creepy objects so common in the films of Dario Argento, just before everything goes Profondo Rosso.

The Pyramids- The Echo of Something Lovely

It all finishes on a suitable grand way as the heroes of the story confront the aforementioned deity, a Cthonic monstrosity of malign intentions that dwells in the vaults of an abandoned underground station, its psychic tendrils have warped the minds and bodies of the creatures in the area, transforming them into its bloodthirsty worshippers.

Oh, the horror, this might be the cause of it all, some crippling virus which impacts the intellect turning human brains with the potential to reach the stars into feeble and pale blobs that twitch and spasm following the binary combo of primitive forces, hate and fear. We leave our team in the plotting stages of an incursion into the esoteric section of the library of the British Museum intent on unearthing a spell with which to vanquish the invading intelligence back to the void where it belongs, so that the peoples of London can be free. They can count on the collaboration of an intrepid partisan underground which has remained in the ruins of the city to continue fighting the good fight,

London, we heart you, what happened?

We remember seeing Trencher soundcheck before they played at the Do last summer, glorious bristling evil projected out of nightmarish-looking synthetisers being sharpened for the kill so that the grind might be put back into grindcore, well, one of them has let all these slasher film-influenced vibrations spill in the vicious hacking and mauling of Queen of Swords, our new favourite band. They are releasing a split with Humanfly, and this is an excerpt from their 15 minute long pandemonium of horror, gargantuan doom music that intoxicates the puny souls of your 20jazzfunkgreats kids and sends them spinning into the limbo of the damned, a lounge of shadows where we sit surrounded by emaciated cadavers while a nurse clad in a decomposing shroud talks backwards over a Goblin’s music score, so that the un-settlement might be complete and most sinisterly satisfactory way, and our reservoirs of spiritual energy refilled before returning to a world where we often awake fearful, even after the gnarliest nightmare.

Queen of Swords- New Knives (edit)