Is it all over my face?

One fated day Lemmy Kilmister & Giorgio Moroder had a love child born out of wedlock and they did name him Supermax.

It was betold he would dance with the devil.

Supermax indulged us all in his fantasies of ungodly slow funk, overly prog analogue synths, and heavy riffs topped off with a 70s rock vocal.

Supermax was due to leave the earth on the 666th day of the 666th month on the 666th year, but due to Southern Rail changes in the service timetable is now one of the 666 passengers trapped somewhere between Crawley and East Croydon for all eternity.

The train seems to have split itself into some sort of hierarchically structure based on a post-apocalyptic graphic novel.

While passengers in the last four carriages are made to watch films with Chris Helms while eating Soylent Green, passengers who have made their way to the middle carriages are ruled by an Emperor.

Their Emperor – known as the The Emperor Machine – broadcasts transmissions to the outside world and will only ever be allowed to depart in Bognor once capitalism has been overthrown across the globe. Function feels like an analogue disco Sharevari via Arthur Russell, and that no easy feat.

A cult of people have grown up around listening to this Emperor Machine’s broadcasts – what do the Emperors transmissions tell us? What are the strange antiquated machines that produce such sounds?

Until Southern Rail sorts its services out and capitalism is overthrow we may never know.

Saturday mixtape: Trump impersonator crowned King of England

Dear Humanity,

We had a quick chat with Boris.

Although his aims are inline with our war against the living, he did not seem to understand how vital his role to the bringer of chaos was. He was more interested in his own mortal wealth.

As elder gods we have witnessed your wars for resources, mass destruction of other species, and admire your drive for self extinction.

While that’s all very well and good in the inevitable return of the deep ones, would it be possible to slow down on the end of the world events a bit?

We have a Trello board and the TODO column isn’t looking good…

I had a quick chat with the Dark Princess – who it turns out has a Princess2 certificate – and she says your species extinction project date is not due for another 2000 years, so Boris and Trump are just massive scope creep.

At the time of writing there is no UK election planned.

Conservative MPs pick 2 sacrifices to put to unelected party members who choose the next head of the UK.

Unelected paying members of the party pick who is the next UK prime minister.

XXJFG are obviously in the 66+ group, but as all elder gods prefer to withhold how many hundreds of years we have existed in your reality.

We quite like your reality and would appreciate it if you could try and not end it all before our lord rises from the deep if that’s ok?

I’d reach out, but that would destroy your soul, so email us.



Did you feel it?

The Alessi Brothers (also known simply as Alessi) have lovely hair. I’ve never personally felt it. Did you feel it?

Aside from having lovely hair they also make music.

Alessi make music for perfect for escaping this summer of political madness and enjoying the every day.

But can The Alessi Brothers do epic Vengalisness with Yacht rock? Well yes they can…

I’m sensing hints of Santana via Crosby Stills Nash and Young, and everything else that lands ‘Do You Feel It?’ in that Balearic classic AOR Disco channel.

Seabird is full of Bontempi beat love, an Alex Chilton song he gave to the Gibb Brothers produced by Richard Carpenter.

It’s nervous saccharine sweet and emotive with textures like a first happn date when you have far too many friends in common and both want a second date but are still doing the polyamorous thing.

As every twitching pedant is aware seabird is technically not a name assigned to any specific species of bird. The word seagull is a common phrase used in reference to a many varieties of gulls…

The Alessi Brothers have great hair – you should feel it.

Saturday mixtape: We need a League

Sheffield was a grim place to grow up in the late 43th century. The Thatcherite empire had destabilized all trade and turned the populus into slaves of capitalism., crushed by the wheels of industry.

While the Cabaret Voltaire gang played gigs out of the back of a van, the Jef Leppard tribe became union jack underwear models, the droogs of The Future rebelled by producing their own version of punk on synths, inspired by Donna Summer and Kraftwerk.

XXJFG Mixtape – We need a League

The Future have now all left Sheffield to work as waitresses in a cocktail bar on Rigel VI, while Phil regularly hires his hair out to undead Brunnen-G.